The Vita Brevis Blog - Designing the Life You Want to Live

Experiencing Life and Taking Action in 2011

Chris — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 15:56:00 GMT

Happy new year! I am excited for 2011 and what adventures it will bring. I continue to be amazed and overwhelmed with the possibilities that life has to offer. There are seven billion people on Earth, countries I’ve never heard of and far-off places where life is much different from my own. It is truly difficult to comprehend the experiences that are out there. Life is there for the taking and waiting for you to live it to the fullest and take advantage of this small window of opportunity we have been given.

There are so many cool things to do in life, the problem is deciding which you want to go for and then actually going out and doing them. It’s all about taking action and I want 2011 to be my year of taking action. I don’t want to get stuck in the same routine, doing the same things and fall into a rut. I want to expand my horizons, stretch my comfort zone, live uncomfortably and have no regrets. I took a hard look at what I did in 2010 and am excited about what I accomplished but still know there is room for improvement.

Now that 2010 is over and done with, I have created a list of places I want to go and experiences I want to have in 2011. It all comes down to taking action. You can have the greatest ideas in the world, but it won't matter unless you actually do something about them. Just a few of my ideas for 2011 include: attend Mardi Gras in March, play in the World Series of Poker in June or July, backpack a week in Europe, begin working part-time for a wedding DJ company, and start learning computer music production. What do you want your 2011 to look like? What experiences do you want to have and what stories do you want to be able to share with others? Take action and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish!

“Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one's ideas, to take a calculated risk - and to act.” -Andre Malraux

You Always Have a Choice

Chris — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 02:56:00 GMT

The United States is an amazing country that provides its citizens with a great deal of freedom. The Bill of Rights gives us the freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the freedom of press, among others. These freedoms are all wonderful and have helped shape the United States into what it is today. However, one of the key freedoms we don’t always realize we have is the freedom to make our own choices.

Beyond paying taxes and obeying laws, you don’t really have to do anything. The way you choose to live your life is completely up to you. We have the freedom to be who we want to be, and to do what we want to do. We have complete control to shape our lives and take any path we like. Although we have this freedom, are we really utilizing it as much as we can? Or, to paraphrase Steve Jobs , are we trapped by dogma and limiting ourselves only to the results of others' thinking?

It is important to understand that the choices you have made in your life have led you to where you are today. Although it may be easier to blame others or external circumstances, it is essential to take ownership of those choices and take responsibility for your own life. Did you procrastinate or take action and get it done? That’s a choice. Did you say yes or did you say no? That was a choice. Do you chase after your dreams or let them slip away? You always have a choice!

The good news is that if you have made poor decisions in the past, as we all have, there is the choice to learn from those mistakes and make better decisions in the future. Use your personal power to utilize your freedom of choice. How is your life's Wikipedia entry going to read? It’s liberating to know that it’s completely up to you.

"You are who you decide to be." -Ralph Marston

Confronting Your Mortality

Chris — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 22:28:00 GMT

This past week a friend and fraternity brother of mine named Chris Roberts passed away after he courageously battled cancer for the better part of a year. He was only 27 years old and had his whole life in front of him to live. I attended his funeral and it is hard to see a young man not given the chance to live out a full life. Although I have been critically examining my life through this blog for the past 20 months, his passing has given me a reality check: we don’t really know for sure how much time we have here on Earth. As the saying goes: you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather.

Confronting our mortality is a vital ingredient in being able to live the life we want. It isn’t an easy thing to do, and not usually something we even want to think about in the first place. It is easy to get caught up in the grind of everyday life and pretend we have all the time in the world, while avoiding the thought of the day we inevitably will pass on. However, we don’t have all the time in the world and accepting the fact that we have a limited number of days to live is the first step in beginning to plan out those days.

So how do we take advantage of the finite number of days we have here on Earth? Someone who is much smarter than me put it very simply: be a good person and make yourself happy. In addition to that, treat others the way you want to be treated. Live the life that makes you happy and be the person you want to be. Appreciate the opportunity you have to be the architect of your own life. Don’t take everything so seriously. Be generous to family and friends. Make mistakes and learn from them. Smile and laugh as much as possible. Focus on the things that really matter. Take advantage of opportunities when they are presented to you. Remember that you can’t take it with you. As Steve Jobs said, “Stay hungry, and stay foolish.”

“We have only so many days to live. This amount of time is something unique to us; it is ours alone, our only true possession.” - Robert Greene, The 50^th Law

"You have a precious and irreplaceable life to live. What comes of it is up to you." – Ralph Marston

No, Not All Eyes Are On You

Chris — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 18:09:00 GMT

Driving to work the other day, I came to a harsh realization that was completely different from my normal thinking: people aren’t thinking about you all that often, in fact, the truth is that most people aren’t really thinking about you at all. In the words of Tyler Durden from Fight Club: “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.” Odds are that your parents, other close family members, and your significant other probably are thinking and wondering about your life quite a bit. Beyond that, unless you are a famous celebrity, athlete, or Lady Gaga, the list thins out pretty quickly.

Your close friends probably know where you work, where you live, who you are dating, your hobbies and interests, etc. But (especially after college) they don’t really know what you’re up to on a day-to-day basis. Humans, as a general rule, are more worried about themselves and their immediate problems and needs. They don't have the time to think about what project you want to start up or what problems you are facing. Heck, I have a tough time keeping up with my own friends’ lives and what they’re up to; relationships are hard and take a lot of work.

When you internalize the fact that eyes are not always on you, an interesting opportunity comes into play: If only a select few are watching and keeping tabs on your life, what excuse do you have not to go after what you want? In a way, it is kind of liberating. If you take some risks and screw up, who really cares? Hardly anyone will notice, right? More likely than not, as life goes on, those few people that are keeping up with you will respect you for attacking life head-on and attempting to create the life you want. So, push yourself and don’t be afraid of what others think about you, because most of the time they aren’t thinking about you anyway.

“At 20 I worried what people thought of me. At 40 I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. At 60 I realized no one was ever thinking of me.” - Bob Hope

Parkinson's Law and The Resistance

Chris — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 17:09:00 GMT

Remember in high school or in college when you had two weeks (or longer) to finish that important paper, but you didn’t start it until the day before it was due? It sucked, but you pulled an all-nighter, did the work and got it done because you had to. This is a perfect example of Parkinson’s Law: “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion” or “The amount of time in which one has to perform a task is the amount of time it will take to complete that said task.” For example, if the paper you had to write was due in two days, you would have had it done in two days. If the paper wasn’t due for another week, you’d finish it in another week.

In Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art , he describes a phenomenon related to Parkinson’s Law known as “Resistance”. Pressfield describes Resistance as "…A repelling force. It’s negative. Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work…It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within.” Resistance has an endless number of manifestations, the most notable being procrastination. Resistance happens when we have work to be done but instead waste time on Facebook. Resistance takes place when there is some creative pursuit we want to start but we sit on the couch for another hour watching TV. Resistance occurs when we have plans to write the great American novel but put it off until ‘tomorrow’.

So how can we defeat Resistance? I believe we can use Parkinson’s Law to our advantage if we so choose. Instead of giving yourself a vague notion of when to finish a certain task or goal, give yourself a personal deadline to accomplish something, just like a boss would give you a deadline for a project. Put some pressure on yourself by setting uncomfortably short deadlines and sticking to them. Tim Ferriss calls this dreamlining – a dream with a deadline. A personal example: by September 1^st, I will make a decision on what DJ equipment to buy (i.e., speakers, mixer, software). What if we always acted with a sense of urgency instead of pretending that we have all the time in the world to get it done? To quote Pressfield, “The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed.”

The Magic of Thinking Big

Chris — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:25:00 GMT

In the classic book The Magic of Thinking Big, David Schwartz argues the main thing holding people back in life are their own thoughts and beliefs about what they are capable of. He states, “Belief is the thermostat that regulates what we accomplish in life.” What do you believe you can accomplish? Don’t put limits on yourself - be bold! Don’t underestimate yourself and overestimate everybody else. As Tim Ferriss says in The 4-Hour Workweek, “Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for the mediocre...there is just less competition for bigger goals.”

When you begin to believe that big dreams and goals are possible to achieve (because they are), a self-fulfilling prophecy is set in motion. You begin to believe in yourself, and you start thinking “I can do this!” As a result, you take actions that start you towards your big dream or goal. Then you take the next step, and the next. Pretty soon you have more confidence in yourself and your abilities. The excuses, justifications, limiting beliefs and self-doubt begin to disappear because you are taking action and going for it. It might not always work out perfectly, but you can use what you learn in a future situation that arises.

The only thing we know for sure in this life is that we are going to die. That being said, the way we choose to live our life is completely in our control. Are you going to go for it, take action, be bold, and dream big? Or are you going to tiptoe through life, thinking small and playing it safe? It’s up to you. The only limits are the ones we put on ourselves! The human mind is an amazing device and amazing things can be accomplished and created when we choose to think big!

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Chris — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:14:00 GMT

We are all guilty of it; it’s hard to stop yourself from doing it. You see that celebrity on TV with the newest car or that famous athlete who seems to have it all and then some. You look at your friends who are getting married, getting engaged, while you are still single (wait…that last one is me). It is easy to compare yourself to others in your peer group to try to gauge where you think you should be at in life or what you 'should' be doing. That isn't the right answer though. It is pretty simple, really - just focus on where you are at and where you want to go. Then take the next step in the direction you want to go. You are the only one living your life, do what makes you happy. Stop comparing yourself to every one of your friends on Facebook. Don’t underestimate yourself and overestimate everyone else. We all have our own insecurities and our own strengths and weaknesses.

It is important to internalize that even though you think it might be, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. You don’t always know someone’s situation beyond what it appears to be on the surface. A famous actor may not have anyone they consider a ‘real’ friend, just sycophants drawn to their money and fame. Perhaps that rock-star musician doesn’t speak with their father. Maybe that TV personality has a sibling with an addiction problem. That lawyer is driving a red BMW but perhaps their lucrative job is costing them some of their personal relationships.

Realizing that you don’t know the entire story makes it useless to compare yourself with other people, because you don’t know their full life situation. Everyone has their own individual problems and issues to deal with; it is a part of being human. It is easy to look at somebody and think they have it better than you, but there is a good chance there is a part of your life that they would like to have. Like I wrote about in a previous post, take the time to be grateful for what you do have in your life, and make the choice to be happy.

“Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.” –Leo Babatua

“Focus on your own journey. Your journey is no better or any worse than anybody else’s. It’s yours alone… Focus on what you want and only what YOU want. That’s it. It’s your journey. Other people will have their own to follow.” –Brian Kim

Living a Life Without Fear

Chris — Wed, 05 May 2010 20:06:00 GMT

Fear is an emotion that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. There are the common fears of failure, rejection and the unknown. Sometimes we even fear success and the responsibilities it can bring. We fear looking foolish and embarrassing ourselves in front of others. We fear that we might not fit in or don’t belong. Fear can be debilitating and paralyzing. Fear holds us back from taking risks and chances because there is the possibility of bruising our ego. The bad news is that there isn’t a magic pill we can take to get rid of our fears. The good news is that we can feel the fear and still take action in spite of it.

Facing our fears can seem like a daunting task. Whether it is a fear of public speaking, a fear of heights, or a smaller, more personal fear, they can all be very scary. It is much easier to sit in the comfortable zone, where it is safe and secure. But working on facing your fears, overcoming limiting beliefs and other internal obstacles can be some of the most rewarding experiences of your life. It is exhilarating to look fear right in the face and say “Take that!” When you feel the fear, look it as a challenge to grow as a person. Seth Godin says, “When you are scared, that is the signal that you should do it.” Remember, action cures fear.

For example, one of the reasons I believe people like Tucker Max or Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother or the guys from The Buried Life are so popular is because they have a fearlessness of life that is contagious. They do some wild and crazy stuff, yes, but they are inspiring because they don’t let their fears hold them back. They take action and go for it and don’t really care what other people think. They create their own realities and don’t limit themselves to what other people think can or can’t be done. That is the real lesson I take home when I look at those people. Wouldn’t that be a fun and exciting life to live – one where fear doesn’t limit you or guide the choices you make?

“When failure becomes funny, you become unstoppable.”

“I refuse to tiptoe through life and arrive quietly at my death.”

Becoming a 'Yes Man'

Chris — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 22:32:00 GMT

Over the past couple of years, I have noticed that I’ve had the tendency to say ‘no’ to a lot of things. Invitations for a night out, a favor here, a party there, the no’s can add up very quickly. It becomes very easy to turn down an offer when it would be just as easy to say yes. Perhaps I wanted to avoid an uncomfortable situation or the effort it would take. Perhaps I just liked having the control that comes with being able to say no. Excuses are made and white lies created to get out of something you don’t want to do. Of course, saying no to something because you are legitimately busy is fine, but perhaps it deserves a second look when you begin to develop a habit of saying no.

What does saying ‘no’ really mean? In reality, it is basically saying that you are not open to the possibility of a new experience in life that has the potential to impact you in a positive way. It is saying, “No, I’d prefer to stay in the same routine and don’t want to risk doing anything different.” It is saying no to spontaneity, randomness, and the unpredictability that life has to offer. It is being closed-minded and not allowing life to happen. Saying no is the safe option; there is no risk involved. What is the solution to this? I believe it comes from the power of saying yes.

Danny Wallace’s book Yes Man takes the concept of saying yes to the extreme. He says yes to everything for a year. Everything! Due to his willingness to say yes, he becomes a minister, has a crazy adventure in Amsterdam, gets a promotion at work, and marries the girl of his dreams. Now I don’t know if saying yes to everything is necessary, but the idea of saying yes (and therefore saying no a lot less) and being more open to opportunities and situations that arise is an interesting concept that I am working on and believe in. Saying yes opens up an infinite amount of possibilities that are not there when you say no. So the next time you feel like saying no, try saying yes and see what happens. It just might lead to the time of your life.

“When you think about it, probably some of the best things that have ever happened to you in life happened because you said yes to something. Otherwise things just sort of stay the same.” –Yes Man by Danny Wallace

Well, It Seemed Important at the Time...

Chris — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:24:00 GMT

There are times in our lives when we think we have to make an extremely important choice or decision. We struggle, weighing the pros and cons, pulling our hair out before we ultimately make our decision. Then we still question ourselves about whether it was the right one to make. Well, sometimes it is important not to dwell on the decision, just to make one and not get too stressed out about it. Have a “trial-and-error” mentality. If what you chose didn’t work out, learn from it, and move on and use your experience to help you with your next decision.

When I worked at Borders in Phoenix, there was an lovely older woman in her 70’s named Pat. One day we were discussing one of the new hires, a girl in her 20s, and Pat made a comment that really stuck with me. She said “I don’t even remember my 20’s!” It really floored me, she had said it so casually. Am I really beating myself up over little decisions and choices when I won’t even remember them in 50 years? Surely most of them won’t matter one year from now, let alone fifty years! I mean, do you remember the things you were most worried about a month ago? Six months ago? A year ago?

As I have gotten (a little) older, I truly believe more and more in not taking ourselves too seriously, being flexible, spontaneous, and having a go-with-the-flow attitude. Too often we try to plan out every little detail of our life, and then become disappointed when our expectations are not met. Well, nothing in this life is permanent, so the better we are at adapting to change, then the better off we will be when that change does come, because it will. Of course, there are obviously important decisions that aren’t to be taken lightly (e.g., getting engaged, married, having a child, quitting a job, buying a house) but the vast majority of the decisions we make just simply aren’t that important. So, that really-super-important decision you are anxious about making? Just make it. You probably won’t even remember in a year.

Identifying Self-Limiting Beliefs

Chris — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 21:25:00 GMT

I’m not good enough. I could never do that. It would never work. Have you ever thought or said phrases like these to yourself? If you have, you aren’t alone. These are self-limiting beliefs and it is extremely important that each of us take the time to identify our own, because our beliefs become our reality. These types of self-limiting beliefs allow doubt and fear to creep into our minds and prevent us from taking risks and reaching our potential. The good news is that these are created problems that only exist inside of your own head. They are only real if we allow them to be. It is essential to “get out of your own way” and allow yourself to take risks and be the person you were meant to be.

For many years I have had the belief that rejection is terrible and a very embarrassing thing to experience. There have been times when I have wanted to approach a girl and talk to her, but would hesitate and ultimately bitch out because I believed being rejected would hurt too much. I wanted to avoid the pain, so I wouldn’t even take my shot. I know I have missed out on many opportunities to connect with someone because I have had this self-limiting belief. I have realized that taking a chance and failing is far better than not trying at all. Let’s flip this self-limiting belief: What if you held the belief that rejection was a good thing, because it allowed you to learn from your mistakes for the next time? Wouldn’t that belief dramatically improve your life?

Other self-limiting beliefs I currently have and have held in the past include: failure is bad, I need to fulfill the expectations of others, I need to justify my decisions and actions to others, and people might think my dreams are silly or unrealistic if I open up and share them. I could probably write a blog post on each of those self-limiting beliefs, but I believe I have made my point. Have you ever wanted to do or try something, but then stopped yourself because of a self-limiting belief? What are some of your self-limiting beliefs and how can changing them improve your life?

“You can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself.” –Don Miguel Ruiz

"Breaking out of limiting beliefs is like opening a door to another world." –Jane Powell

Do You Have the Energy to Achieve Your Dreams?

Chris — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 01:55:00 GMT

One of my favorite things is to talk, read and write about is how to live your best life and become the-best-version-of-yourself (which is the reason I started this blog in the first place). I often think of the things I want to accomplish in life and the ways I can begin to take those dreams and turn them into my reality. I have a lot of big dreams and there is definitely a lot I want to accomplish in my life.

However,there is something that is such an obvious necessity during the process of accomplishing your personal development goals but is so often overlooked…having enough energy to do them! Sometimes when you get home from work it is easy to just plop down on the couch and watch TV or surf the internet aimlessly for an hour or two (I am definitely guilty of this myself - I mean, how can I miss 24 or How I Met Your Mother?) Unfortunately, more often than not this becomes wasted time where you could be doing other things that are related to your bigger life goals.

So…what are some of the best ways to be energized? Obviously, you should be eating a balanced and healthy diet, drinking plenty of water, exercising and getting a good night’s sleep. But these all are much easier said than done! It really takes a concerted effort to do those things that we know we should be doing, but just somehow can’t find the time. Even acknowledging the fact you don't have as much energy as you need is an important first step in making the change.

Activities that are easy-to-do and also increase your energy include: going for a walk in the morning when you wake up. Meditating for 5 to 10 minutes. Eating a breakfast with lots of fiber and carbohydrates. Avoiding energy vampires and surrounding yourself with positive people whenever possible. Trying something you haven’t done before. Calling up an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Getting out of the house. Listening to a favorite song that puts you in a better mood. These are just a few ideas that can help you to have enough energy to get started on your bucket list. Here are a couple of good lists suggesting ways to boost your energy.